I hereby confess that Birch is not yet done. 80% of the way, yes, but not yet there. I ended up wearing my non-handknit backup shawl for the wedding and feeling sure that it was far inferior in every way. The wedding was wonderful, despite being unfamiliar with the bride, the groom, and everyone else present with the exception of my mother and brother. The mother of the bride, a good friend of my mother, looked beautiful and relaxed, and the bride herself was, as expected, radiant. I've never before danced at a wedding in front of monkeys and a scared armadillo, but the choice of the Cleveland Zoo for the reception location was a brilliant one. So much fun for a wedding I all but crashed.
Not making "deadline" on Birch has brought me back to the state I had intended to be in the entire time...just a relaxed victory lap through a couple of interesting, delicious projects. The third Rockin Sock Club pair, the plain pair, and the end of Birch can now go back to their respective places as my work knitting, my distracted knitting, and my sitting-at-home-concentrating knitting. Instead of despising spring green mohair to the core of my being, I'm charmed by it again. Instead of languishing in the corner of my desk, the Unisex Slip socks can return to being fondly petted and squeezed and called George. Dressing for the wedding with an unfinished Birch was a reset button on my entire attitude toward life and knitting, which was just what I needed. Sometimes we knitters who lean toward the product side get so crazy and fixated on having the product for a specific deadline-driven purpose that our limitations just get wiped from our memories. You don't even really like knitting in that state...the knitting of it is holding you back from the having of it.
I always thought there was something noble about being a process knitter, something more patient and accepting and selfless. "I have no need for this material possession. I need only the act of creation." Since everyone knows that we define ourselves by what we want to be, not what we are, my belief in my own process-knitter-ness was firm and unwavering. I've begun to notice, however, a certain unmistakeable pride in wearing my own handknits. A lack of enthusiasm toward projects intended for others, particularly a certain sweater my husband will never wear at this rate. A drive to complete a shawl in a totally unreasonable timeframe just so I can wear it. The choosing of projects no longer for the skills I'll acquire along the way or for the interesting execution but because dammit I want that scarf. I'm Kiki the Alto, and I'm a product knitter.
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