Difficult Day

Today is going to be a little difficult. There, I said it. Normally, I don't make any particular judgments about days, at least not on the negative side, preferring to let them happen and see what comes of it. I'm not so reluctant to proclaim a day as having been particularly happy, but this is usually in retrospect. My wedding day, the day I graduated from medical school, and the like as obvious exceptions. In this case, I have my reasons for saying that this day might suck, just a little.

(1) To top the list, I was supposed to become a third year resident today. All my medical school friends are, and for two of them, it's their last year of residency. It would have been mine, had I not made a fateful decision to switch specialties. The day one year from now when two of my bestest friends finish their residency for good, I will (hopefully) be starting all over at the beginning. That just plain hurts, and I haven't given it two seconds' thought until now.

(2) Today, ERAS opens. That means that today is the first step in a journey back to residency, and I'm worried. I'm worried that everything I'm doing will be a waste of time and money and emotional investment if next March does not find me headed to a new position. I'm worried that the faith in me that is being shown by my husband, my boss/mentor, my old program director, will mean nothing if programs take one look at me and decide to look elsewhere.

(3) Today, the Pediatric Pathology practice manager who was the first one to really usher me in and make me feel welcome here is leaving for a new job. I've only known him since February, knitted him a nice gift, and wish him well, so this would be much less affecting if it wasn't for the above two points. I'm hit by the contrast between his bright future and my muddy one.

It must be a good thing that I've surrounded myself by yarny goodness, right? Date night tonight will include one danged stiff drink and possibly some dessert of a chocolatey nature.